by Tara Mackey | Blogroll, Health
For a long time, I truly underestimated the importance of life-affirming, self loving habits. Since the realization of their importance, they are the very building blocks I’ve used to build my dream life and get to a place I’m very happy with.
Some were relatively simple – like figuring out where to live (“where I would vacation!“) – and some things were harder – like Letting Go. Here are 4 Self Love Habits that helped me change everything and put me on a path to wellness, recovery and renewed self-esteem!
4. Long, Hot Baths
Taking a long, hot, luxurious bath every day and treating myself to some meditation and alone time has been key in developing and consistently keeping deep rooted self loving habits. A hot bath is one of life’s most simple pleasures, and with winter weather afoot it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself! Throw in some jojoba oil, epsom salt, rose petals, lavender or some body oil and you’ve got an at-home spa day!
3. Being Happy With My Body
Hey, I may not have Kardashian Kurves (does anyone, actually?), but I don’t think I’ve wasted a single second of my life hating my body, and I’m really proud of that. I learned pretty early on in high school (and after crying about it only a handful of times) that I was way more comfortable fitting into little boy’s t-shirts than I was comfortable with watching myself try to impress other people. I knew I had other things going for me than what I looked like (which really wasn’t much at the time). I knew if I could build on these things – my talents, singing, writing, reading, humor, and personality – that other good things would come, and that the people who stuck around would be the ones who were meant to be there.
I think this is probably one of the most important things that you can remember, and one of the things I will do my very best to instill in my daughter because even as Grown Women, we so often forget.
Does this mean I’ve never tried to impress anyone? Uh, are you kidding? I was still 15 once…
But it did instill an uncompromising standard in me about what exactly I was willing to compromise and under what circumstances. (I’ll put up with shit from my family, for instance, that I would never deal with from anyone else). But self-hate has always been out of the question.
If you’re unhappy with your body, you might not want to look at it. You might obsessively under-eat, and then binge eat, and then feel worse about yourself. You might avoid exercise because you don’t want to even think about the problem. You might eat junk food to comfort your bad feelings, and then make the health problems worse. This can affect school, your job, your relationships, your family life. I’ve seen girls torture themselves for years about something as simple and stupid as a stretch mark or some cellulite, which happen naturally. I’ve seen girls torture ME because they’re unhappy with themselves. What a waste of time!
That kind of anxiety is poisonous to carry around with you! Letting go and being happy with exactly who you are is so important to finding the life you want. Sure – I could probably use 10 squats or so more in my day, even when I’m already doing 50-100 reps as per my plan. But who couldn’t?
(maybe her. ^ she may not need any more squats.)
Striving for improvement is a wonderful goal – but comparison, jealousy or harping on comments from others isn’t helping to motivate you! Not giving a crap if other people are happy with my body has left me so much time to work on other super important things and gotten me way closer to my goals than wasting even a moment otherwise!
At least once a day tell yourself you’re beautiful in the mirror. Even if it seems and feels silly. Say it until you mean it! (Tweet this.)
2. Being Honest
It is impossible to achieve what you truly want if you are denying or deceiving yourself. It took this realization for me to truly change my habits. The minute you feel the relief of honesty with yourself, your life truly changes. This was the first time I really felt that I had “found the feeling” of Oneness with myself. For some people this never pops up as a problem, but many of us tell ourselves lies when we’re unhappy in our lives in order to make things easier to swallow. We do it to stay in relationships, or get out of them. To stay in a job, to stay home, or move out, or feel good about ourselves.
Whatever the case is, honesty is vital to making effective changes and identifying who you really are and what you really want. When you lie about who you are or what you really believe, you reinforce the idea that you need to pretend to be someone else or that you are not fundamentally “good enough”. Worse than that, you undermine virtually every other key principle for self improvement, because they are based on the premise that you have identified as your authentic self and your goals. Without the truth of who you are and what you really want, you cannot have clarity in life and you cannot achieve your dreams because you have no true direction.
You need to practice honesty at every level of your life, not just with yourself. When you are dishonest, you are effectively saying that you are not worthy enough, that you do not deserve good things and that the only way to get things is to lie or cheat. This appears in the form of lying, cheating, boasting, stealing, exaggeration… at the most fundamental level these things are not honest and are a negative affirmation to the self.
1. Forgiving Myself
The funny thing is, I know I have completely forgiven myself for things that a lot of other people have NOT forgiven me for. This sucks. For them.
Once I experienced complete compassion for myself, it was easy to let go of what I had done in the past and use it for exactly what it was: a formidable life lesson for the future.
Once we experience compassion for ourselves, self forgiveness is the next step. When we look deeply enough inside we see that keepings ourselves “unforgiven” is actually motivated by love. We hold ourselves as unforgivable in hopes that we never do that thing again because we don’t want to hurt anyone else or ourselves. This is usually unconscious, and it’s extremely self destructive if not worked through.
I invite you to look back on any experience in your past where you are carrying guilt or shame. Look at what your true intention was when you did what you did. You may have had a limited awareness of options and perhaps made choices that brought yourself and others undesirable results, but you did the best you could at the time. You need to see the truth of this for yourself – that all of your actions came from a basic human survival instinct, which in essence is loving yourself.
If you look deep enough you will discover that your truest intention was to take care of yourself in the best way you knew at the time. (tweet this.)
If you use this as the Life Lesson that all of our past is meant to be, you can use it as a source for good and loving behavior in the future.
Want to find new self loving habits and read my whole self-love journey?
With Love,
by Tara Mackey | Blogroll, Health
A few months ago, after my wisdom tooth surgery, my skin started freaking out. My simple oral procedure had turned into an extra nasal surgery, and during recovery I had to stop my normal herbal regiment because it was hard for me to swallow and keep down any more solid things than I had to. What followed was devastating news for my face.
I soon had hard, painful, cystic acne all along my jawline, as well as terrible bouts of psoriasis on my legs and arms. Ughhhh! screamed my ego, I thought we were over this.
I’m super familiar with troubled skin. I talked about it extensively in my book. As a teenager & young adult, the most I could really complain about was random acne popping up on my body. Nothing major. But once I came off all my medication (including birth control), hormones hit me hard. I got bad, bad acne around my mouth, chin, cheeks, and areas that are impossible to hide. I got it all over my body. Dryness, too. My skin was itchy and oily and messy. I mean, dear baby Jesus – give me some teenage acne any day of the week over lumps on my face and my legs that bleed, itch and are painful. I had been solving it with herbs, a really good diet, a good outlook, an active body, a ton of skin meditation and a positive mentality for years.
So my post-op face was not only disappointing, but straight up embarrassing for me. Why aren’t all these good habits, I thought, reflected in my skin?
I knew that falling off the herbal bandwagon was to blame. In fact, it was the only thing I could blame. I kept up all my hikes, yoga and fitness plan, I had ramped up my meditations, had been eating a lot of organic veggies and red meat (at my doctor’s suggestion), was at a super healthy weight, had dove head first into my research… The ONLY change I had made in my lifestyle was putting the brakes on my herbs for a few days. So, fed up with my face, I decided I was going to dedicate my entire supplement regime (as well as many mantra-driven meditation practices, as mentioned in depth here) to caring for my skin.
The first supplement that I picked up again was:
DIM
DIM is short for Dimethylglycine, which is an amino acid (the building blocks of proteins.) It is plant based phytonutrient (plant nutrient), and normally found in small amounts in our bodies, for very small amounts of time.
DIM is mostly found in cruciferous vegetables. These include cabbage, broccoli, bok choy, Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, kale, kohlrabi, mustard, rutabaga, and turnip. These plants have been cultivated for thousands of years and were initially used for their medicinal benefits. The connection between DIM and hormones like estrogen has to do with similar characteristics between them at the molecular level. DIM is not an estrogen or a hormone, but like estrogen it shares the common characteristic of being poorly soluble in water.
Dimethylglycine (DIM ) is used for everything from ADHD to acne, but it’s benefits reach far and wide. For me, it put me on a monthly cycle that I would literally bet my life savings on, has reduced aging lines, makes my skin glow, stabilized my moods, heavily reduced my breakouts, boosted my immune system, and lowered my blood pressure. I can only imagine what it does for others!
Since I started taking DIM regularly again, I haven’t suffered from any hormonal breakouts. If I feel one coming on, I will up the dosage and the DIM usually helps my body to take care of it. This has been an absolute miracle for me, and I cannot go a day without it or I WILL see “under the skin” bumps start to creep back in. Luckily, it sells for only about $16.
Omega-3-6-9 fatty acids
If it’s golden in colour, you don’t really have to convince me to put it on my skin or in my body. Omegas, commonly known as the “good fats”, have recently been credited with increasing heart health as well as helping your skin look healthier. The foods highest in omega’s fatty acids include seafood (especially tuna and salmon) as well as walnuts, canola oil, and flax seed. Not only do they protect your skin from free radical damage, they act as an anti-oxidant that helps your body process the release of enzyme’s that happen when we are exposed to the sun. Because of their anti-inflammatory properties, omega’s can also help relieve skin conditions like rosacea, psoriasis, and eczema. Any time my joints hurt, I also pop some of these. Break one open and add it to dry areas on your face for an extra boost! I take a supplement that has Omegas 3, 6, and 9 (fish oil, borage, and flax) as well as the Borage pill (mentioned below) itself.
Borage
Borage seed oil is used for everything from acne, to inflammation, arthritis, and has been used as a natural sedative, lifting the spirits and softening the nervous edge some people experience. Borage works well to ease the depression and mood swings often associated with menopause and menstrual cycles as well and is a nice alternative to traditional prescription medications.
It’s an intense blood purifier, and contains high levels of a fatty acid called GLA, which seems to have anti-inflammatory effects. Taking borage internally or applying it directly to my skin has had amazing effects!
Evening Primrose Oil
Speaking of GLA, this little miracle supplement has truly changed the game for me. It contains the pain relieving compound phenylalanine and is increasingly being used to treat chronic headaches, aging problems, alcoholism, acne, heart disease, hyperactivity in children, symptoms of menopause, multiple sclerosis, weight control, obesity, PMS and schizophrenia.
Evening Primrose Oil contains a high concentration the fatty acid GLA. It is this fatty acid that is largely responsible for the remarkable healing properties of the plant. In fact, Evening Primrose contains one of the highest concentrations known of this important substance and only a few other plants contain it at all. This makes Evening Primrose an important medicinal herb, and as studies continue, the list of benefits will likely become much longer. The gamma-linoleic acid, linoleic acid and other nutrients in this oil are essential for cell structure and improve the elasticity of the skin. These fatty acids also help to regulate hormones and improve nerve function aiding problems ranging from PMS to migraine headaches. The hormone balancing effect also contributes to healthy breast tissue.
Fish Collagen
Collagen: It’s the building block for all our body’s major systems and the second most common substance in the body, coming up right behind water, only in terms of volume. I take TruMarine Collagen with my smoothie every morning. It’s tasteless and helps like nothing else! Although abundant in our youth, the body’s natural Collagen production typically slows at a rate of 1.5% per year after the age of 25. As this collagen production slows, the collagen fibers in the body become brittle and begin to break down resulting in a weakening of the skin matrix (dermis). The skin matrix is responsible for the structural integrity and resilience of the skin and its natural degradation results in many of the visible signs of aging such as fine lines, loss of elasticity and eventually, deep wrinkles.
Typically derived from salmon and red snapper, fish collagen is up to 1.5 times more absorbent than other collagen’s because of its low molecular weight. Fish collagen is absorbed through the intestinal barrier into the bloodstream and then carried throughout the body, so it is the best source of collagen for your skin.
Want more natural, herbal cures for your health?
Pick up Cured by Nature today for my full list of go-to herbs for your health!
With Love,
by Tara Mackey | Beauty, Blogroll, Cancer, Family, Give Back, Happiness, Health, Meditation, Mental Health, Personal
This past year has been undoubtedly the one where all the pieces and experiences in my life have finally begun to come together coherently, and it’s also been one of my hardest without my hero. Yesterday made it officially one year since my Dad passed away. The shock of his death, the anger immediately after the loss, the incredible pain of moving on every morning without him were some of my most difficult days.
I’m the one with the super-fro with my fingers in my mouth. 🙂
Then, just a few months later, another loss: my good friend Heather succumb to lyme disease after an intense, decades long battle. Not because it had finally ravaged her body, but because she decided that the best conclusion to her life was to walk in front of a train one night to end her pain.
The day I showed Heather around the Getty Museum in LA.
It cracked my heart open all over again. It drained me completely, and left me back in that bewildered fog I had just pulled myself out of. I’ve read a lot in loss literature about “What to expect” from grief, but the truth is, our experiences are all completely different. Our losses are different. Our moment to moment feelings are different. So, instead of telling you what to expect – because I can’t – or telling you what I wish someone would have told me – because I heard it all and that really never made a dent – I’d like to share with you what I’ve learned about grieving this past year. From my heart, to yours…
Take care of yourself – Putting yourself first is very important, especially in times of loss. If you haven’t figured this out by the time you lose someone you love, it can be a great time to start. Eat healthy, do some yoga, work out, get out of the house. Your loved one might be gone, but you’re still here, so make the most of it.
Get Grateful – This was one of the things I posted about when I first spoke about living my medicine a few months after Dad passed, and it’s only been more solidified for me. Appreciation will get you through just about anything. Stop to feel your departed loved ones presence with you. Smell the roses. Watch the sunsets. You won’t regret it.
Get Lively – Not Lonely – Don’t shut people out. One of the first things I did after a few days of phone-off, bed-ridden grief was to reach out to my dear friends and loved ones – many of whom I had no idea had experienced similar losses to mine! This is where I found a lot of my comfort and coping mechanisms.
There’s No Such Thing As Prepared – Did I know my Daddy was dying from cancer for 2 and a half years? Yup. Did anything prepare me for the emotional toll it took to help him in his last few months? Did anything prepare me for actually being there, watching him suffer, struggle and ultimately let go? No. Nothing could have. No matter who or what it is, nothing can ever really full prepare you for the shock to your body that comes with grief. So however you find yourself going through it, go. Go whole heartedly and with reckless abandon. Because no one could have told you about how this felt even if they tried (which they may have!)
A Distraction Is a Distraction – …. Is a distraction is a distraction. It doesn’t matter what name you call it, distracting or otherwise suppressing your grief is not helping you and certainly doesn’t help anyone around you. This tends to make us bitter and manifests itself as disease. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. But the sooner you face it, the sooner you can begin to heal.
When does this thing end? – I thought feeling grief was something I’d “get over”. Turns out, it doesn’t end. I’ve lost a lot of friends, in fact, so I thought I knew what to be prepared for. Uh, no. Losing a parent was an entirely different experience for me. It wasn’t long before I realized that the emptiness from losing my Dad was going to be there – FOREVER. And P.S. It’s going to get re-triggered every.single.time I lose someone else. But instead of getting panicked about it, I got grateful. I made it my mission to begin to do things not only for myself, but as a legacy to Dad. In this way, I feel I’ve accomplished more in the last year – emotionally, physically, spiritually and psychologically – than I feel I did for the 27 years he was with us. It’s given me an opportunity to grow, expand, learn and get better in a way I just never would have otherwise.
Don’t Stop Working – Pushing the pain away is, at the most, a temporary option. If you need a break, take one, but taking too much time off can lead to a depressive, loaf-tastic episode or worse, losing your job. But really, in the bigger sense, don’t stop working on yourself. Don’t let death take your life away. Keep smiling, keep laughing, and remember: the world is still spinning. I have worked more, harder and better on myself in the last year than I have ever before in my life. This is, for sure, a positive result of losing my Dad.
It’s natural – 5 Stages? I wish. Throw those notions about what grief is “supposed” to look like out the window. Grief is messy and confusing and comes and goes in waves and roller coaster rides. One of the most powerful things I learned is that grief is a completely natural response to losing a loved one. Your brain actually has to process what is not which is much harder to process than what is. We grieve because we loved, and the loss of love is very hard. Grief is a feeling in the process of moving onto a place of healing, but it’s not the whole process.
Comfort is everywhere – and it comes from very unexpected places. The first person who ever said something super comforting to me about my Dad was a stranger making a passing comment to me on the streets of NYC the day after the funeral. He had no idea what I was going through, but he said exactly what I needed to hear. Often times when we expect certain comfort from our friends or loved ones, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. This is often the time when friends and family will show their true colors, so be prepared. It’s sometimes necessary to seek out ways to grieve on your own. I’ve created meditation practices and little rituals for myself, for instance, that I do every day and especially on hard days. I also started taking (and making!) tinctures for myself specifically targeted for grief and shock, like 21 Drops Carry On blend and Dr. Bach’s Star of Bethlehem.
Focus on the big picture – Admittedly I still get peeved when people use the word ‘ grief’ haphazardly, or in relation to a breakup or the end of a friendship. I know, I know. I’m working on it. Grief is a powerful, unique, personal experience and it means something different to everyone. I’ve learned to also be careful with my own words and language. I’ve been very up on my NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming). I don’t use phrases like ‘ I hate.’ Or ‘ I can’t.’; instead I’m focused on making my words meaningful and most importantly, empowering. This keeps my thoughts empowering and keeps me moving on. Getting stuck on the little things – like ‘trigger words’, sad songs, or whatever is holding us back – can be caught and changed immediately. I’d say I’ve gone from JV to Pro at this in the last 12 months. Ain’t nobody got time for tiny pet peeves.
All in good time – It wasn’t until last week that I even touched the photo album I have with all my Dad’s photos in it. It took me about 6 weeks after the funeral to listen to all my Dad’s voicemails. I immediately recorded them to have forever, but I’ve barely heard them since. It goes in reverse, and they span over the 2 years he was sick, so Dad goes from sounding young and healthy to sick and dying as you listen, which makes it creepy and also incredibly real for me. The point is, there’s no ‘ right time’ to look back, remember, or cherish memories you had with your deceased loved one. Do it when it doesn’t hurt you. I can look at the photo album of my Dad now and smile, laugh, and tell stories and jokes. It took me almost a year, but it feels incredibly rewarding. You’ll never forget them, but you don’t have to flood yourself with tough memories to ‘ get over it’.
It’s your experience – I know I harp on having a PMA (positive mental attitude) a lot, but for me there’s no other choice because it has shown such massive results in my life to keep my head and chin up, even when I am feeling down. Even if I am “tricking” my body into feeling better, the ultimate result is more love, light and miracles in my life, so that doesn’t feel very deceptive to me. I can say that, even through the loss of my friends, or my Dad, I’ve been happy. There is a saying, “ Don’t let a bad phone call give you a bad day.” For instance, you may speak with someone who puts you in a negative mood for a moment, but that doesn’t have to put you in a bad mood for the next day or the next week! This is your experience and yours completely. Life rarely hands us things like that, so make the most of it and make it empowering for your life. Think of the good times, laugh through the bad times, forgive yourself, let yourself have some inspiring a-ha moments, and then relax. There is nothing more you could have done or said. Whether you write about your experience, give back to a cause in their name, or somehow share your experience in an empowering way, make the most of what you’re going through. What feels like the end of something if often a new beginning. When one door closes, sometimes a whole other house is built, just waiting for you to stop by and make a home.
Finally, a helpful meditation for those of you who are grieving a loss:
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uin2q_hEHlU&w=560&h=315]
With Love,
Tara
by Tara Mackey | Beauty, Blogroll, Fashion, Fitness, Green Beauty, Health, Modeling, My Organic Life, Product Reviews, Travel
Happy New Year!
I figured there’s no better way to start the year than at the beach, which I’ve been doing a ton of lately!
My last year’s new year resolution – “see every sunset” – went off without a hitch, and it’s spilling into this year!
Bridge City Bikinis and I connected on instagram, and it was love at first sight! I am totally obsessed with their custom fit, hand made, cheeky bikinis. This bikini ($55 for top, $55 for bottom) is also reversible, comfortable and made with love! Connect info@bridgecitybikinis.com to order.
It’s always summer somewhere, and I have been so happy to take this beauty to the beach with me every day to even out some granny tan lines. 😉
I hope you’re all having a beautiful, magical year so far!
Have you been loving any new brands lately?
What are your new year’s resolutions?
by Tara Mackey | Blogroll, Fashion, Green Beauty, Happiness, Modeling, My Dog, My Organic Life, My Photography, Product Reviews
Sing it!
This week has been wonderful for many reasons: I’ve had some awesome work, some validating adventures, and the kind of life-synchronicities that really good novels are made of. I got some great news about Raelie’s health, too. A small mass we thought might be “something” turned out to be just some fatty tissue. We are very, VERY happy that babygirl is well and we celebrated with an awesome hike at a new trail we found just down the block from our house. Happy National Dog Week, indeed!
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WsjUkWo73w&w=420&h=315]
^^ Some fun vocal warmups from earlier in the week 🙂 ^^
I’ve also recently teamed up with Soul Flower, an online retail shop that promotes an eco-friendly, bohemian, peaceful lifestyle. Started on Grand Avenue in Saint Paul, Minnesota in 1999, you can now find Soul Flower online, check out their awesome look books, shop Fair Trade wares, mens or cute kids clothing (when I say cute I mean SO CUTE!! I mean is this even real?!) These items are always organic, recycled, made in the USA, or Fair Trade, and very, very comfortable! This Sing It Tomboy T-Shirt is perfect for fall transition. It’s warm but breathable, wearable, and I just adore the message! I had a lot of fun striking poses in this around town – whatever gets people to read it. 😉 It’s really fun, the color is gorgeous and it’s just comfy comfy comfy (I’m a total sucker for comfort… can you tell?!) They also sent me some stickers and cute merch that I was happy to slap on an old cap and run with (literally…)
My crafting skillz. You’re jealous. ^^
#SoulFlower Girl 🙂
(^^ a little mountain lion sighting in the past 10 days never stopped anybody right…?)
(Raels didn’t seem to mind ^^)
(She keeps me company IRL as well as on my wrist at all times just in case she’s not there…
Obsessed? Idk. Maybe. What?!)
Catch!!
” I can see my house from here! And Arizona!”
The view is seriously unreal.
Found me an organic garden of course! 😉
Squishface!
Hey, LA!
Makeup: RMS Beauty Uncover Up, La Bella Figura Highlighter in Brazillian Denise, Gressa Bronzer Serum, Alima Mascara, Nudus Australia Lipstick in Halo.
Bracelet: Lokai, Vintage Find
Raelie Watch: Birthday Present 🙂
